As a divorced person (I say that like we have our own special section at the zoo or something), you become keen with your instincts when a friend asks you that question.
It could be that they are just asking to ask. You know, much like how that co-worker who you bump into in the kitchen of the office. It's easier ask them about the upcoming holiday opposed to having the co-worker-to-co-worker awkward silence. You know, the easy topics to pass the time and to fill in the gaps. But every now and then the question isn't asked to fill in any gaps but actually asked with a purpose. Where a good friend, or family member will invite the reclusive divorced person over to their house to spend [add particular holiday here] with them and their family.
And when they do it's almost like they are asking you out on a date or something. You see the approach, and you feel the awkwardness in their delivery. You can actually see the timidness from them because they don't know what luggage, if any, you might associate with that particular holiday. They don't want to be the reason for any of that regressed luggage to suddenly some spilling all over the floor.
Gut instinct, from the rare/near-extinct divorcee is that the friends are probably feeling sorry for them and the friends don't like the thought of them being alone and watching a marathon of Firefly eating a bag of Double Stuff'd Oreos.
(Not that I did that. Not without a glass of milk that is.)
But the holiday's are rough. I admit that. While I have my son throughout the school year, he spends the majority of the holidays with his mom. So during those stretches of celebration, I don't see him too often. And the home becomes eerily quiet.
So when my good friend, James asked, "Hey Buddy, what'cha doin' for Thanksgiving?" I was happy to tell him that I didn't have plans after my son and mom had our Thanksgiving together.
"Wanna come over to our house after? Kristen's family is coming over for dinner. We'd love to have yah over."
I said yes.
This was early November when my friend James asked me over to celebrate Thanksgiving with him and his family. Little did I know, at that time, that my life was just on the verge of turning completely head-over-heels.
I had met a girl.
In fact we had a date set up for the Saturday after Thanksgiving.
Now, I usually hold my cards pretty close when it comes to stuff like this. And while I have no problems when close friends tease me, I just don't like to be teased when I talk about how I might feel towards someone. It's a vulnerability that seems to cut easier than other things.
While I spent the morning cooking our Thanksgiving lunch for my family, I was texting said girl. When we were all done eating, my son and I took a walk to his school's playground and then afterwards I took him over to celebrate Thanksgiving with his mom.
After I arrived at James and Kristin's house, with 3/4's of a pumpkin pie in tow, James and I caught up at the dinning room table as things were finishing up.
"So what's going on man?"
"Well," The involuntary smile coming through sneaked through, "I kinda have a date this weekend."
"Oh yeah?" He smiled that way only a friend can when hearing something like that. You know that kind, the 'isn't that cute/tell me more' smile.
Now you have to understand that most of my friends have only known me as divorced/single/dad Jason. The funny guy and his little side-kick. And throughout the years my friends have seen me go on dates with Miss Wrong, and Miss Wronger and even Miss Whyintheworld. But they all wanted to see me with Miss Right.
So when James had leaned in, hoping to hear more, I froze for a split second unsure if I should indulge his curiosity or not. When his wife, Kristin came through the kitchen and said that she needed help finishing things up.
So I got out of it.
For the time being.
There is an art to having two Thanksgiving meals so close to one another. You have to pace yourself, try not to be tempted by any 'seconds' and limit what you intake during that first meal. So by the time I was half way through on that second meal I was starting to feel the pull. The tightening of the stomach that is filled with such yummie food and going through the internal struggle of knowing you should stop. But its so good that you find yourself getting that other helping. And then maybe one more.
It was sometime after the meal when the inevitable food coma came and we played a round of Apples to Apples (which is where I amazed everyone with my uncanny ability to perform as both Casey Kasem and John F. Kennedy. Who, despite the feelings of that night, are 'not' the same person). And then we all retired to the living room and stretched out.
It was then that said girl and I exchanged a few texts back and forth. The, what was normally an inconspicuous action, became noticed by my good friend.
"Is that her?" He had that same smile spread across his face.
I paused, shot a side ways glance, "Maybe."
"Who's who?" asked Kristin.
"Somebody," said James, throwing a thumb in my direction, "has a big date this weekend."
Kristin's eyes widened and immediately became curious. "What? You do? With who?"
"Is it anyone we know?"
"When are you guys going out?"
"Where are you taking her?"
"How'd you guys meet?"
"Is it so-and-so?"
"it's not so-and-so, is it?"
I couldn't help but smile at the scene that was laying out in front of me. Eventually, not only was James and Kristin eager to find out who I was going to go out with, but her family was too.
Now you have to understand that the Quad Cities, where I live, has a pretty big theatrical arts circuit. Everyone either knows one another, seen them in shows or has at least heard of them. So when someone finally asked the break out question of, "Does she do theatre?" it started the unraveling of who this mystery girl was.
She did do theatre.
Names were thrown out of women we all new and who were available. But, with each guess... they were wrong. James hunkered down in thought for a second and asked if she was ever in a show with him.
"No."
Which resulted in a 'we're getting closer' looks between them all.
"Has she ever been in a District Theatre production?"
"Yes."
"This year?"
They were getting closer.
"Yes."
From there it became like the end of "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" and all of them were shouting out the names of the past shows within the District Theatre's repertoire.
Parade? No
Xanadu? No
8? No
Next to Normal? No
Rocky Horror? No
Avenue Q? No
They were weeding it down... and even Kristin's mom, who I hadn't met before that night, had whipped out her ipad and went to the theatre's facebook page.
And then they hit it.
Company?
A smile.
"It is isnt' it?"
They then started to name off the company members in the Sondheim musical. Which then became a race between James and Kristin, who trying to remember the cast from memory, and Kristin's mom who finally brought up the theatre's poster that conveniently listed the names of all the actors and actresses on it.
And then James said,
"Erin Lounsberry?"
Again... I smiled and nodded.
They cheered in the success of solving the Thanksgiving mystery, but it was followed immediately by wide smiles and the "you GO boi's" or the "Way to go's!" from them.
I was already excited about the date. Erin and I were already having marathon talks on the phone every night. But it was in that moment that I realized that something was different about this girl while I was sitting there with my good friends. That my normal vulnerability, that I normally have in those type of situations, was substituted with pride.
That Thanksgiving, the one that I've dubbed the Thanksgiving Mystery, will come up in conversation from time to time. And it always brings a smile to my face. It was the best. It is also known, but only to me, as the last divorce invite that would be offered, and the last one I would accept.
That next year, in the following December, not only would I be standing on a church alter with that beautiful Mystery Girl, but the wienermobile would be waiting for us outside to whisk us away.
I said yes.
This was early November when my friend James asked me over to celebrate Thanksgiving with him and his family. Little did I know, at that time, that my life was just on the verge of turning completely head-over-heels.
I had met a girl.
In fact we had a date set up for the Saturday after Thanksgiving.
Now, I usually hold my cards pretty close when it comes to stuff like this. And while I have no problems when close friends tease me, I just don't like to be teased when I talk about how I might feel towards someone. It's a vulnerability that seems to cut easier than other things.
While I spent the morning cooking our Thanksgiving lunch for my family, I was texting said girl. When we were all done eating, my son and I took a walk to his school's playground and then afterwards I took him over to celebrate Thanksgiving with his mom.
After I arrived at James and Kristin's house, with 3/4's of a pumpkin pie in tow, James and I caught up at the dinning room table as things were finishing up.
"So what's going on man?"
"Well," The involuntary smile coming through sneaked through, "I kinda have a date this weekend."
"Oh yeah?" He smiled that way only a friend can when hearing something like that. You know that kind, the 'isn't that cute/tell me more' smile.
Now you have to understand that most of my friends have only known me as divorced/single/dad Jason. The funny guy and his little side-kick. And throughout the years my friends have seen me go on dates with Miss Wrong, and Miss Wronger and even Miss Whyintheworld. But they all wanted to see me with Miss Right.
So when James had leaned in, hoping to hear more, I froze for a split second unsure if I should indulge his curiosity or not. When his wife, Kristin came through the kitchen and said that she needed help finishing things up.
So I got out of it.
For the time being.
There is an art to having two Thanksgiving meals so close to one another. You have to pace yourself, try not to be tempted by any 'seconds' and limit what you intake during that first meal. So by the time I was half way through on that second meal I was starting to feel the pull. The tightening of the stomach that is filled with such yummie food and going through the internal struggle of knowing you should stop. But its so good that you find yourself getting that other helping. And then maybe one more.
It was sometime after the meal when the inevitable food coma came and we played a round of Apples to Apples (which is where I amazed everyone with my uncanny ability to perform as both Casey Kasem and John F. Kennedy. Who, despite the feelings of that night, are 'not' the same person). And then we all retired to the living room and stretched out.
It was then that said girl and I exchanged a few texts back and forth. The, what was normally an inconspicuous action, became noticed by my good friend.
"Is that her?" He had that same smile spread across his face.
I paused, shot a side ways glance, "Maybe."
"Who's who?" asked Kristin.
"Somebody," said James, throwing a thumb in my direction, "has a big date this weekend."
Kristin's eyes widened and immediately became curious. "What? You do? With who?"
"Is it anyone we know?"
"When are you guys going out?"
"Where are you taking her?"
"How'd you guys meet?"
"Is it so-and-so?"
"it's not so-and-so, is it?"
I couldn't help but smile at the scene that was laying out in front of me. Eventually, not only was James and Kristin eager to find out who I was going to go out with, but her family was too.
Now you have to understand that the Quad Cities, where I live, has a pretty big theatrical arts circuit. Everyone either knows one another, seen them in shows or has at least heard of them. So when someone finally asked the break out question of, "Does she do theatre?" it started the unraveling of who this mystery girl was.
She did do theatre.
Names were thrown out of women we all new and who were available. But, with each guess... they were wrong. James hunkered down in thought for a second and asked if she was ever in a show with him.
"No."
Which resulted in a 'we're getting closer' looks between them all.
"Has she ever been in a District Theatre production?"
"Yes."
"This year?"
They were getting closer.
"Yes."
From there it became like the end of "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" and all of them were shouting out the names of the past shows within the District Theatre's repertoire.
Parade? No
Xanadu? No
8? No
Next to Normal? No
Rocky Horror? No
Avenue Q? No
They were weeding it down... and even Kristin's mom, who I hadn't met before that night, had whipped out her ipad and went to the theatre's facebook page.
And then they hit it.
Company?
A smile.
"It is isnt' it?"
They then started to name off the company members in the Sondheim musical. Which then became a race between James and Kristin, who trying to remember the cast from memory, and Kristin's mom who finally brought up the theatre's poster that conveniently listed the names of all the actors and actresses on it.
And then James said,
"Erin Lounsberry?"
Again... I smiled and nodded.
They cheered in the success of solving the Thanksgiving mystery, but it was followed immediately by wide smiles and the "you GO boi's" or the "Way to go's!" from them.
I was already excited about the date. Erin and I were already having marathon talks on the phone every night. But it was in that moment that I realized that something was different about this girl while I was sitting there with my good friends. That my normal vulnerability, that I normally have in those type of situations, was substituted with pride.
That Thanksgiving, the one that I've dubbed the Thanksgiving Mystery, will come up in conversation from time to time. And it always brings a smile to my face. It was the best. It is also known, but only to me, as the last divorce invite that would be offered, and the last one I would accept.
That next year, in the following December, not only would I be standing on a church alter with that beautiful Mystery Girl, but the wienermobile would be waiting for us outside to whisk us away.
But that's another story for another day.
Thanks for the tears on Thanksgiving, JP.
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